It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize