When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
