If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
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