Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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