You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
