Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
