Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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