I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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