Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
