I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize