Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
