I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
