hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
