also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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