I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
