He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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