I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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