I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
