New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize