she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
