Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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