You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
