Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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