So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
