Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
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