Have you finally orgasmed yet?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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