Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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