There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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