He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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