You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
there is puke in my bra ... again
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
