i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
