She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
