I have demons in me.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
