My cat gives me a boner
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
