Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize