I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
