note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
