I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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