OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
