Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
