I think i peed on brittanys purse
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize