Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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