i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
