You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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