Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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