Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
