i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
