I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
