My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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