She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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