you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I didn't notice because vodka
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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