I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
