your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
