I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize