....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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