They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
How does one acquire holy water?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
