No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
