I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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