I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
