I think I died a long time ago.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
