Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
