I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
