I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
high people should be assigned attendants
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
