I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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