she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
