We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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