There is no way he is gay with that hair.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
