I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
