I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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