Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
