so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
