Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
