so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
