Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
