u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
