Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
