I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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