i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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