I cannot find my penis.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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