thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
