she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
