I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Mom said you looked used
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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