Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
