Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
