Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
