Got a toothbrush?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm both gender and math confused
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
