sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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