I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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