She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
