I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
