R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
